Fuck. I don't know if I can answer this. Not now. Maybe not ever. What I can tell you is who I have been, who I tried to be, who I failed to live up to and where I came from. What that all says, I have no clue. I guess I started as this, abandoned, then an orphan. Adopted. Assimilated, and from there I was no longer the child I started out as, as my voice went from Korean speaking, to don't speak Korean at all. But the trade off was tangible. I went from being surrounded by my people, to being part of my new people. I went from not feeling lost to feeling something I never had before, uncertainty--fear--- and a bit of anger. But I adapted and a part of me became happy. Hopeful. And a seed formed as I became a daydreamer, forever chasing something I cant define, except that it is this strange insecurity that I never will, but will always try to one day find a place I can call home and a woman I can call the one. After childhood and leaving my parents home. I had moments where I pretended to be successful, perfect, happy, strong and someone who actually knows what they are doing. I was and am very good at being a pretender. For work I have been a babysitter, a grocery bagger, a farmhand, a cook, a server, a bartender for exactly two days, a mortgage broker, a wholesale finance rep, a tech entrepreneur, a fashion designer, a VP of a 3D manufacturing company, a VP of a health clinic, a custom suit maker for senators and collegiate athletes, and as a 46 year old man, a TikTok creator. Woven in between all of that are the business ideas I tried to make happen, but never became anything, and the odd jobs I did just to get by. I have tried to be a good dog dad. A good friend. A good son. A good entrepreneur. A good ex - if that makes sense. A good success story. A good inspiration. A good boyfriend. A good photographer. A good person. and a good man. I have failed at most of those things. Maybe all of them. I have been foreclosed on. Bankrupt. Broke. Evicted. Repossessed. A burden. A coach surfer. Homeless, the on the streets kind. Hunted. Harassed and forced to break. I have been heartbroken from loving too much and loved so little that people left when I needed them most. I have a fear of abandonment that announces itself as content creation and I battle anxiety and mental health in ways I cannot always name, and I carry the very real and very unglamorous worry of how to pay for a better life when I can barely afford the one I have now. And somehow, in spite of all of that, I remain hopeful. I genuinely do not know how. I have been a traveler to every distant planet in my mind and IRL, I have visited nearly every state in the US, Canada, Mexico, the Virgin Islands and now parts of Europe, most of the time carrying everything I owned. As a name. I have Jang InSoo. It is how I came into this world. I would then named Andrew William Morrison, when I became an American citizen and would later be known as Drew Morrison, the fearless and driven version of me who decided life was more than a sentence, until it felt exactly like one. And, in 2017, I began to carry the name Andrew Jang, because that time in my life I needed to rebuild and I needed a new name that made me feel like I had a chance. So I did the one most important thing I have ever done for myself and readopted my original last name, so that I could feel a little bit whole---for the first time. And those, as far as I know, are the only names I have ever had. Though I have always thought Dreyjon was cool, so who knows. What I never was, but was called, is a scammer, a fraud, a thief, a fugitive and a criminal. And though I was never those words, I did become the shadow that surrounds them. And that shadow was dark. Fucking dark. As a character trait. I am a fighter. A stubborn prick. An oddly honest person who will openly admit he lied a lot at certain points in his life. A bit of an asshole when the situation calls for it and sometimes when it does not. But I am also funny. Compassionate. A deep overthinker and a person that will ignore every red flag to help someone. I am loyal, to the core. In fact, people say ride or die, I say ride and die ---loyalty to a fault means everything to me. As a personality trait. I am a hopeless romantic and big dreamer who believes he can achieve anything, completely and unapologetically. As a kid raised in the midwest 80s that loves Christmas, Thanksgiving and Halloween (ok the fall and winter in general). I am a Hallmark Christmas movie lover. And one of my genuine life goals is to appear in one. As a kid raised off of MacGyver, Star Trek and the greatest two decades of movies and TV ever, I also want to be an extra on Star Trek, share one scene with Keanu Reeves, Jeff Bridges, Richard Dean Anderson, Michael J Fox, Morgan Freeman, Forrest Whitaker, Kate Mulgrew, Patrick Stewart, Michael Dorn, Neve Campbell and Winona Ryder, and somehow be a patient of Kelsey Grammars as Frasier Crane. And if I am lucky, one day, be a character on Bobs Burgers, I think an onion delivery guy, who sits at the counter making salsa jokes. And if I am truly, truly lucky --- read a book with LeVar Burton on one of my TikTok lives. FUCKKKKK. A boy can dream cant he? As a companion trait. I am an animal lover in a way I cannot fully explain. I have rescued four dogs, Lefty, Patton, Hyphen and my most recent, Seven. I love talking to cows, goats, horses, and when it rains I save worms from drowning. And for some reason, bees, wasps, birds and snails who are hurt keep making their way into my life and one of my greatest joys is nursing them back to life to free them. I do not entirely know why I do this. I think somewhere underneath all the confusion for myself, there is this deep belief that every living thing deserves a chance. Maybe that is about them... or maybe it's just about me. As a kid in a mans body. I am a lover of junk food in a way that borders on a spiritual practice. Pizza, burgers, candy, Doritos with ice cream, cake, donuts, Snickers, and a thing called a Lion Bar that genuinely changed my life. I am also the same person who will wear out a new pair of shoes in a few months from exploring everywhere with Seven. As a health nut. I am a low key gym rat , or as the kids say, swole and I think thats kinda fucking cool. I love nerving out on the science of a good diet and also the science behind optimizing hormones and get a kick out of reading blood panels. And though I an athlete, I am a curious, sci-fi forever nerd. Not much of a drinker anymore, though I will go out to celebrate til the sun comes up. And speaking on that. As a party animal with the fear of missing out coupled with the love of just living to the fullest. I used to abuse drugs —the fun ones, cocaine, MDMA and Molly —never got into pot,—I don’t like feeling sluggish and like everything I say is an echo. Tried acid once, hated it. And convinced myself that free basing wasn’t crack, it is. I tried glass once, hated that and even though I am not a partier any more, I still have that spontaneous lets try new shit spirit inside of me. As an eclectic train. I am a fan of music, dancing poorly, window shopping, antiques and recording the most pointless things in the most perfect moments while saying stupid silly things to make people laugh because I am an entertainer. As an insecurity trait. I am a person that requires validation and I am at peace with that. I like attention but only the kind that sees me, not the kind that requires me to be pretty. Being told I am handsome means very little. Being told I am a good man means everything. And as a survivor trait. I am a three time suicide survivor and someone who walked away from a horrific auto accident that should have killed me without a single broken bone— I am still uncertain how and also what I feel about this. The walking away part. The accident was fucking brutal and I do not know why I was saved. As a current version of me. I am Korean. American. Now a resident and visa holder in Europe, so I guess that makes me Korean-American-European, in training? But as I said, I really do not know if I can answer who I am. I can only tell you where I came from, who I have been, and how I got here. Check back later to see if I have figured it out or if I’m still searching. Either way I will be the one watching Christmas in July, while eating pizza with Seven as I decide, am I running from life, or to it……